Lean In and Trust

Maybe becoming a follower of Christ feels like it is a weight on your back. It might not feel like a burden lifted when you come to know the Lord as your Savior and Friend. You could possibly feel even more stressed and anxious.

That, my friends, is Satan.

Last year about did me in. My faith felt like a curse. I know that goes against everything I believe. But I really felt like the enemy’s attacks were too much to bear. I felt as if I couldn’t withstand another blow. They kept coming just as I was getting up from the last fight.

I was weary. I was weak.

The last week of 2024 I had a moment that I will never forget. I sat in my room, crying on my bed. My husband was with me looking like he was not sure how to help me. I said, “God has to let up. I have no more fight in me. He needs to give me a break. I need restoration. No more battles. No more challenges. I don’t have it in me. I don’t have the strength to go to God. He’s going to have to come to me.”

So, I scheduled a time of solitude. I rented a tiny house for a few days the following week.

Here I sit. I’m in this tiny house. I’m drinking coffee, burning candles, reading books, putting together a puzzle, crocheting, and taking naps. I even brought my Echo to have worship music playing the entire time I’m here.

I leave tomorrow morning. I go back to real life. But I am not going back the same person I was when I arrived here two days ago.

I realize now I have been in survival mode for so long. Barely getting up from the last fight and then being hit with another battle. Laundry felt like a fight. Dishes….I just didn’t even consider doing them. (That’s why I have teenagers, right?) I just feel so weak. My strength has been completely depleted. I have been struggling with compassion fatigue for a while now. I just didn’t have it in me to be compassionate with my kids. If they got a scrape or a bump, I just coldly told them they will be fine. I didn’t try to comfort them in any way. I have been broken.

These past few days, I have felt God come to me here. He is restoring me. This will be my restoration year. I know hard things will still happen and I will still get into fights with the enemy. He will still try to take me down. But I feel God stand before me, beside me, behind me. I know He is holding me up and He is the firm foundation I stand (or kneel) on. I do not feel alone. Though I don’t feel strong, I know He is my strength.

I always laugh when I hear the song “Surrounded” telling us over and over and over and over again “This is how I fight my battles” because of the repetition. But I think it might be my anthem this year.

Here’s to my restoration year. The year where I look for God in all the things…good and bad…that come my way this year. This will be the year I see God restore my soul and strengthen me.

“In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.” -1 Peter 5:10